The power of connection, community, and weathering hard times together
March Break is over for Ontario students, parents, and educators. For most, it was a much-needed opportunity to take a break after two years of constant changes and unpredictability.
For my friends and I, it was an important opportunity to re-connect in person, as we had not seen each other since the summer time. Teaching is a deceptively busy and difficult job. From the outside, the hours seem ideal, and of course there are benefits to sharing holidays with your children, if you are a parent. However, it is emotionally and mentally taxing, and has been especially so this year.
Meeting with two of my best friends this March Break, while I am still on a medical leave, taught me a great deal about the importance of presence and connection in weathering hard times. I’m also currently listening to “What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing” by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., and Oprah Winfrey, which discusses the power of authentic community and belonging in building resilience, or what Dr. Perry refers to as “trauma wisdom.” What I noticed was that beyond the challenges of adapting to constant changes and hybrid learning, or of responding the the increasingly complex needs of adolescents embroiled in the already confusing and troubling work of finding their identities and preparing for adulthood, the lack of time and opportunity to connect with the people who help us feel safety, love, belonging, and community (from caring colleagues to loving friends and family) has taken a major toll on educators.
When I first started teaching, I was completely overwhelmed. Rather than building a strong foundation of social connections to help buoy me in this difficult time, I focussed all my attention and energy on working harder and trying to meet my always-high expectations of myself. It wasn’t until I was facing my own personal challenges (a diagnosis of cancerous melanoma, thankfully removed without further treatment needed) and a colleague I admired getting sick (also with cancer) that I started to slow down a bit and take stock of the emotional and social aspects of my life that were missing, and how this was impacting me both personally and professionally.
Eventually I developed a close circle of friends who helped me manage the stressors of the job while also learning how to become more of myself. I felt welcomed, valued, and like I belonged. What did that for me wasn’t being a top educator—it was taking the time to build social connections that would last, with people who understood the challenges I faced daily—including the two friends I was fortunate enough to have come to visit me over this past March Break, two of my best friends who have seen me through many challenges and changes since we first began those tentative relationships almost ten years ago. Sadly, the colleague who was diagnosed with cancer the same year I was did not share my luck. She died of leukaemia four years later. Thankfully, I had the opportunity to become friends with her as well, and we even shared a classroom when she came back to work, for what we did not know yet would be our final year together.
Making and then losing a friend this way taught all of us the importance of friendship, connection, and love, and that there is nothing more important than the unique gifts each one of us brings to this world. We all have a role to play in others’ lives, and no one else can be cast in our role. I believe it is in part because we went through the trauma of losing a dear friend together that my friends and I have been able to weather future storms together, and that these have only brought us closer together, as we have learned the hard way just how important it is to maintain those connections with the people we love and to make sure each of us feels that love while we are still here, because we never quite know what tomorrow will bring.
As employers, leaders, and teachers, I believe we have a responsility to help our staff, team members, and students make time for developing authentic social and emotional connections in their lives. Sometimes, this can happen in the workplace or the classroom. Sometimes, people just need time and space to figure out where and with whom they belong, or to help maintain and grow their existing ties to community, whether that be through biological families, friend groups, faith communities, or otherwise. Either way, the benefit to all is clear: we become more secure, confident, resilient people when we are grounded in meaningful and authentic personal relationships, so providing people with the time and space to establish and maintain those relationships both within and outside the organization will always be a wise investment in the individual and shared success of all members of team or a classroom.