"Showmances" : Why They Should Be Embraced and Not Frowned Upon

Photo: Josh Galemore

GUEST EDITORIAL

The author is a singer, dancer, model, and performer in the Pennsylvania area

Theatre is a uniquely emotional endeavour. Without significant personal investment into our characters and their stories, performances lack the depth and gravitas that audiences have come to expect. In short, good acting requires some amount of vulnerability. In romance and tragedy, we open ourselves up to the pain and suffering of our characters, and even in comedy we put ourselves out there and hope that people laugh.

Basically, to act is to be vulnerable.

Great. So we’ve established one of the components that makes good acting and therefore good performances. Fabulous. Most of you probably already knew that and at this point are wondering what the point of this article is.

Well…

Let’s talk about love.

No, I don’t mean the birds and the bees, nor do I mean stage kisses and Shakespearean romances. I’m talking about the real thing.

Any dating advice article worth its salt will tell you that, like in theatre, vulnerability is important in a relationship. Honesty and emotional openness are the hallmarks of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, and so these qualities are also fairly important when pretending to be in a relationship too.

Here’s the thing. Actors are imitating real life, right? But in order to do that to the very highest level, the lines between real life and theatre need to blur. Not so much that villains become actual murderers and every onstage marriage is officiated by a priest, obviously. Just enough to draw in the audience and keep them in that state of suspended disbelief for the duration of the show.

The best theatre is the kind you get lost in, both as an actor and as an audience member.

Unfortunately, humans are psychologically messy creatures who aren’t all that great at compartmentalizing emotions. Some people are better than others, of course, but in general, we are a fairly emotionally driven species. In many ways that is one of our strengths, but it can get in the way occasionally too.

Fictional relationships on stage and on screen are just that – fictional. But find me an actor who hasn’t witnessed a romance between castmates at some point in their lives and I will happily show you a flying pig.

When the day-to-day course of your work requires emotional vulnerability, it is only natural that your colleagues become more than just people with whom you work. In some cases, these people will have seen more of ‘you’ than even some of your own family. There is an innate trust in that, which has the potential to forge the very firmest of relationships. 

Now, add into the mix the fact that some actors will have to direct their fabricated emotions directly towards another castmate, be it in the form of love or hatred or anything in between, and you might begin to see why there is often some emotional spillage after the curtain has dropped.

Interestingly, at least in my experience, actors playing lovers seem prone to real-world manifestations of their onstage emotions, whereas actors playing enemies seem to more often go largely unaffected. In fact, I have seen people playing mortal enemies on stage who are best friends in the wings. The nature of their characters’ relationships almost seems to strengthen that friendship through mutual amusement.

Lovers, however, are a different kettle of fish altogether.

Especially in situations that demand the traditional ‘leading man’ and ‘leading woman’ roles, it is not uncommon for actors playing lovers to spend a truly astonishing amount of time together in the run-up to and duration of a production. Indeed, I have heard many a tale of actors who spend more time with their onstage partners than with their real partners at home, so intrusive can the leading romantic role in a production be.

Romance is so often central to a show that it is vital that it comes across well, so directors use a plethora of exercises and acting techniques to draw out the very closest approximation of true love from their actors. Therefore, we can safely assume that emotions are probably running fairly high during rehearsals and shows. After all, we said early on that a bit of genuine emotion is what makes a good performance.

But directors will do similar exercises with enemies and friends and all other manners of relationships too, won’t they?

Possibly, yes. In general, I would argue they are likely to focus on romantic entanglements the most, but that depends both on the nature of the play and the style of the director. If they do treat all their characters’ relationships equally, then we are still without an explanation for why cast romances seem to be so prevalent.

Here’s my theory.

The Power of Love

Close friendships are a form of love. We chose people to add to our lives, like honorary family members, and we love them as if they were our own. We might not say it, but it’s true. Platonic love is a powerful and important force in all of our lives.

Love, however, is tricky. It bends and weaves and can be mistaken for something that it is not. It’s not uncommon for close friends of compatible genders and orientations to wonder about their feelings and perhaps even mistake platonic affection for romantic love. Sometimes these thoughts are fleeting, other times they may result in a brief romantic endeavour, and occasionally a beautiful and lifelong partnership is born.

We have already established that actors often form very close relationships with their castmates by virtue of sheer exposure and the pressure of performance. As a result, quirks of the heart like those outlined above are to be expected across the board.

Add in the element of fabricated romance between onstage lovers, and the natural tricksiness of love becomes supercharged to the extreme. Not only will actors spend vast amounts of time together, potentially becoming very close friends, but they will also spend most of that time tapping into their romantic emotions and ‘pretending’ to be infatuated with their friend.

Do you see where I’m going?

In the event that romance does blossom, there is often speculation as to the ‘realness’ of it all. It is true that some such relationships do fall apart after productions come to an end, but that is by no means the rule. Moreover, even if that does happen, it does not invalidate the romance as having been anything other than real at the time. Just because emotions change does not mean that the feelings which came before were lies.

One of the great pleasures of theatre is that it teaches us to be open to ourselves and to others. In the midst of so much vulnerability, emotions will always run high. It can be beautiful, it can have consequences, but it is all very real.

Obviously, I am not suggesting that all actors who play couples are designed to fall for each other. Actors are consummate professionals who are more than capable of putting their true feelings aside for their craft. There are plenty of people who play lovers who are just friends, are generally ambivalent to one and another, or even dislike each other intensely. True romance is by no means required to play such parts, nor is it an inevitable result.

However, by virtue of the emotional nature of theatre, theatrical romance made real does appear to be more common than your average office meet-cute. Some relationships last, others don’t, but the fact that a couple was formed in the heat and fire of performative fiction should never be taken as an excuse to invalidate or deride the love between two people.

Romance on stage is fiction. Romance off stage is not. Sometimes the two worlds line up, and the lines become blurred.

In the end, does it really matter what the mechanics of affection are? The possible effects of playing fictional lovers on real-world romance are fun to speculate about, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that people are happy together, regardless of how their love blossomed or how long it lasts.

Personally, I wish them all the best.