OnScreen Review: “13: The Musical” on Netflix

by Noah Golden, Contributing Critic

Even though the musical comedy "13" only lasted 105 performances on Broadway in ‘08/'09, it launched a handful of theatrical careers (Allie Trimm, Elizbeth Gillies, Broadway musician Charlie Rosen and, of yeah, international pop star/future Galinda Ariana Grande) and has since become a staple on the community theater and high school circuit.

In many ways, "13" is the perfect high school musical. It's easy to produce, features a tuneful, well-thought-out score that's head and shoulders above most generic teen musicals and it lets teenagers play teenagers. No stick-on beards or fake martinis accidents here, thank God. It's a musical that celebrates that seemingly Herculean task of going from boy to man, from child to teenager, and does so with heart, humor, and introspection. This may be the most controversial statement I've ever made on this website, but not just is "13" the 21st century's answer to "Grease" but the better version of "Grease" overall; better morals, better-written characters, and, yes, better songs too. It's the rare kids' musical that doesn't talk down to them, treats their problems seriously, and has something to teach them.

Now, like "Grease" before it, "13" has been made into a feature film directed by Tamra Davis that premiered Friday, August 12th on Netflix. It's a fun, jaunty adaptation but one that never quite gels as successfully as the original, thanks in part to a muddled updating that feels like it tried to serve too many masters. Maybe it was studio noted in express or maybe the writers, Robert Horn and Jason Robert Brown, had trouble seeing the forest for the trees after working on this material for over a decade.       

It's not so much a misfire as a missed opportunity. "13" doesn't find its true voice on screen the way "In the Heights" or the 2021 "West Side Story" did, but it's also a far cry from the memorably misguided "Dear Evan Hansen" or "Everybody's Talking About Jamie." At its best, "13" is joyful and fresh. At its worst, it's generic and oddly limp - some killer Jason Robert Brown tunes inserted into a nicely filmed but forgettable Disney Channel Original Movie. Then again, the "High School Musical" franchise – which the much-better "13" owes a debt – made millions and had a huge, if not short, cultural impact. So maybe that's less of a diss than it sounds.

Both the "13" stage musical and film follow Evan Goldman, a newly teenaged New York Jew whose life in the Big Apple is shaken up when his parents split and he's forced to move to his grandma's house in Nowheresville Indiana, just months before his Bar Mitzvah. With a big party to plan that could launch his social life in Indiana, Evan must choose who his friends really are and find out what becoming a man means.

What works the best in this adaptation is the fresh-faced, energetic cast and, not surprisingly, the music. Eli Golden (no relation, I swear) has charisma for days as Evan, Gabriella Uhl is just delightful as the quirky Patrice and Frankie McNellis makes a meal out of the cheerleading number "Opportunity." JD McCreary (as Brett) and Lindsey Blackwell (as Kendra) are terrific in "I've Been Waiting," a new "Summer Loving"-like song, while Ramon Reed leads the football players in a buoyant "Bad, Bad News." They all have clear, strong voices and natural comedy timing, but, most importantly, they feel like real eighth graders. Not surprising given Brown's resume ("The Last Five Years," "Parade," "Mr. Saturday Night"), the songs of "13" are easy to listen to but challenging to perform well. The kids all pass that test with flying colors and do justice to Brown's score.

"The Lamest Place In The World" remains a highlight, as does the earworm title song. Although the orchestrations have been given a funkier make-over, it never feels arbitrary or needlessly modern. While the score of "13" could feel out of touch I guess (it doesn't try to sound like music the average 13-year-old is streaming on Spotify), it's emotionally honest and fun without giving itself an instant expiration date. The entire film does this, too – except for iPhones and a Zoom call, the lives of these teenagers are weirdly bereft of technology or social media, which may ring false but does keep the whole thing from being instantly dated ala "Black Panther" referencing the flash in the pan "what are those" meme.

While Brown retains most of the Broadway score, he adds some new numbers and cuts others. "The Bloodmaster" covers similar territory to the stage show's "All Hail The Brain" but does so with a funky bass line and horns instead of a Harold Hill patter. I missed "What It Means To Be A Friend," "Being A Geek" and "It Can't Be True," while agreeing that their purpose is less necessary on screen. What doesn’t work is leaving the "I'm becoming a man" theme and "If That's What It Is" out of the conversation. Those musical themes track Ethan's progress from a self-centered kid to a maturing teen and the film feels rudderless without the lessons embedded in each. The screenplay doles out life lessons from Mom and Grandma (Debra Messing and Rhea Pearlman, fine but overused) for Evan throughout rather than him learning them organically himself, which erases some of his agency. The lessons, too, shift to more generic platitudes rather than the musical's more complex ideas on the fleeting nature of childhood and how the things we learn there transfer to adulthood.

Just as Robert Horn's screenplay struggles to find a place for the adults in Evan's life that were absent on stage, he also has mixed results in updating the show's sensibilities. The impulses are almost always good yet reverberate in counterintuitive ways. For instance, the cast of "13" is terrifically diverse in every way, from race to body type. The Jewish characters are all (thankfully) played by Jewish actors; the wheelchair-user Archie is played by a real wheelchair-user. But Evan's complaint about moving to a hick Podunk town that Patrice calls the "Lamest Place In The World" doesn't hit very hard when the modern high school's student body is more diverse than a college admissions brochure. They have Black, Latinx, Asian and Muslim students, but no one has heard of a Bar Mitzvah?

While the stage musical freely indulged in high school tropes – the jock bully, the dumb popular blonde, the scheming mean girl, the lovable nerd, the horny lothario – that's almost all sanded down here. The goal, I think, was to make the characters more two-dimensional and to avoid harmful stereotypes, but it robs a lot of the cast of any defining traits (and lowers a lot of the stakes). Cutting the funny but skeevy "Hey Kendra" makes sense as well as refocusing Kendra/Brett/Lucy's quest to be about getting their first kiss rather than getting "the tongue." But other jokes, scenes and songs from the original are overly sanitized and cautious.

The biggest victim of this is Archie, a character from the musical who has muscular dystrophy. Archie is nerdy but confident. He lusts for out-of-his-league Kendra and uses his disability to get away with mischief. He's a great representation of disability onstage, a kid who approaches his challenges with humor and positivity. Here, he's relegated to the background. He's in a wheelchair, but there's no mention of his disability or how it affects him. He gets no arc, no song, and no real defining traits. Perhaps the studio balked at Archie's original material (including a hilarious number that starts with "No One Says No To A Boy With A Terminal Illness"). Still, there's a difference between a bully making distasteful jokes and a kid winkingly reframing his own lot in life. One is offensive and out of touch; the other gives the character agency and personality. It's just a shame.

Truth is, I can't quite uncouple my thoughts on "13" the movie with my admiration for "13" the musical nor am I the film's target audience (which seems a good five years younger than the stage version). I need to watch it again without noting all the changes and view it on its own merit. All I can tell you is that it's fast-paced and fun and worth a watch, even if it fails to fully live up to the source material.

Years ago, I wrote a piece for Onstage about taking my preteen and teenage cousins to see "Wicked" on Broadway. The show was slack and underwhelming, but afterward, my out-of-town 16-year-old cousin bought tickets with his own money to see "Les Misérables” the next night. "If 'Wicked' led to seeing 'Les Misérables,'" I wrote, "maybe 'Les Misérables' will lead to the work of Tom Kitt or Lin-Manuel Miranda or Jason Robert Brown or Duncan Sheik or Adam Guettel. If so, then who am I to complain?" I feel that way here. If you know a young aspiring performer who loves "Descendants" or "High School Musical," show them "13." They'll enjoy it and it can open a whole world of possibilities for them. Might I even suggest a double feature with "Better Nate Than Ever?"

“13: The Musical” is streaming now on Netflix.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars